I wish

I wish I had no past

no future

no memory of my sins

nor of my victories

I wish I could marry the suffering of my past

swallow the tribulations

and choke on it

I wish I was alive

I wish I was dead

I wish I had no name

no history

no plans

I wish I could live in the moment

Breathe it

I wish I was a ghost

I wish I had No-one to remember me

No-one to celebrate my victories

No-one to see me when I fall

I wish I could drown in the living waters of life

I wish I was worthy of this life

Worthy of Thy grace

I wish I was invisible and highly breakable

I wish I wasn't miserable

 I wish my reflection in the mirror

Didn’t make me so uncomfortable

I wish I had no will no dreams no thoughts no desire

unless One...

I wish I could disappear

I wish I could vanish into the darkness

I wish I could finally embrace the light

I wish I could dissolve myself in the most great light

I wish I could be someone who makes a difference

Someone honest and pure

I wish I had followed this path from the beginning

I wish I could lose myself in the garden of Thy presence for eternity

I wish I could be a little more like Thou wants me to be

I wish I hadn't disappointed  thee

 I wish I hadn't disappointed myself...